Ouch. Loneliness came crashing down today for the first time in nearly three years. Well, not loneliness but the desire to have someone significant in my life again. A warm presence, the knowledge that that person will be home after work, matching wits, sparing, going on road trips together, grinning at each other like fools...all kinds of happy-dumb ecstatic stuff that I have not given any real thought to for some time.
In away it's a relief. I was starting to wonder if it was ever going to happen. I really haven't missed interacting with people all that much. I've been happy with books and music, thinking and writing as well as exploring Portland and the coast each weekend.
This last week, though, I found myself thinking about adopting a pet. I haven't had a pet since 1996. There were the camp dogs like Sabot in Korea and pups that we informally took care of in Macedonia, but nothing that was really mine. When I was a kid there was a time when we had a dog, three cats, two rabbits, two parakeets, and an acre full of assorted lizards and small snakes. At any rate, pet ownership is something that I hadn't thought seriously of for almost 13 years until this week either.
And the one interesting girl whom I met since moving back to the US probably isn't a realistic option either.
Maybe it's the deathly ill people in my life right now.
Or the prospect of soon leaving the monkey-herding industry.
Or the recent parental visits.
Maybe its waiting to hear back from Portland State and the VA.
Or getting ready to move yet again.
Whatever it is, something disrupted my equipoise this last week, and I'm feeling off keel at the moment.